How To Choose A Maid Of Honor: Top Tips and Considerations

In the whirlwind of wedding planning, where dreams become a reality and two lives are forever intertwined, the journey begins with a simple “yes”. With over two million weddings gracing the U.S. every year – more than 5,000 celebrations daily – the path to the perfect day is paved with countless choices and heartfelt moments. 

Amidst the joyful chaos, couples face a series of monumental decisions, each contributing to the tapestry of their love story. As the initial chapter unfolds, a paramount question takes center stage: Who should be your Maid of Honor?

Join us as we explore how to choose a maid of honor – a critical figure whose selection resonates far beyond tradition, and embraces personal connections and memories to cherish for a lifetime.

How To Choose A Maid Of Honor: Making the Right Choice For Your Big Day

Amidst a sea of precious relationships (whether friends, siblings, mothers, or daughters) the role of a maid of honor stands as a singular, cherished gem. This role holds many responsibilities and honors that extend well beyond the confines of tradition.

As you navigate the path to crafting a perfect celebration, it’s important to choose a maid of honor who both holds a special place in your heart and is also ready and willing to embark on this exciting journey by your side. 

To help us help you answer the question of who should be your maid of honor, we asked Kristen from Well-Dressed Events in New Jersey to provide us with a perspective based on her experience. Kristen shared the following insightful tips for choosing a maid of honor.

who should be your maid of honor

1. Avoid drama 

“Choose someone who is no-drama and not self-centered. Your maid of honor should understand that this process is about you, not them. Your maid of honor should honor your wishes—from the color of the bridesmaid’s dress to what you want to do for your bachelorette party. 

“Offering insight and opinions is okay, but someone who tries to steamroll or change your plans will end up causing a lot of unnecessary stress. And when it comes to the wedding day, we’ve seen *a lot* of maid of honor drama, which ruins the whole mood. So be choosy! Good vibes only,” Kristen shared.

2. Choose an organized and financially stable maid of honor

When looking at how to pick a maid of honor, Kristen shared the need to “Choose someone who is organized, personable, and financially stable. There are a lot of costs associated with being in a bridal party, and the maid of honor is usually the one to spearhead the planning and booking of everything from the bridal shower venue to the bachelorette party details. 

“Choose someone who can handle the responsibility of creating itineraries and communicating effectively with the rest of the group. Also, choose someone who can front costs for deposits, etc., to streamline planning.”

3. Don’t feel obligated to reciprocate

Finally, Kristen advised, “Don’t choose someone as your maid of honor just because you were their maid of honor. It’s okay not to reciprocate, especially if this person is at a different stage and can’t dedicate the time it will take to perform the maid of honor duties. Of course, we always recommend conversing with them about it to set expectations but don’t feel pressured. 

“This goes for bridal parties in general. Don’t assume someone wants to be your maid of honor/bridesmaid just because you were in theirs. Just have a conversation! Sometimes you’ll be surprised at who politely declines because of children, work obligations, or financial situations.”

This can be especially true if you stood as MOH for a friend many years ago, but you aren’t as close to them anymore. Oftentimes, you’ll be better off choosing someone you’re closer to now. They’ll be more familiar with your current experiences and situation so may be in a better position to help you carry out your vision.

How To Choose A Maid Of Honor infographic

Frequently Asked Questions

Brides are no strangers to a cascade of questions that swirl around their grand day. Along with the difficult decision of choosing a maid of honor, there may be queries about the planning of the bridal shower, the nuances of maid of honor duties, and the financial aspects of bridesmaids’ attire

But don’t worry. We have the answers to your frequently asked questions so you can make the best possible decision about who will stand beside you as your maid of honor on your big day.

Do I Need to Have a Maid or Matron of Honor?

The decision to have a Maid or Matron of Honor is a deeply personal one, and it’s perfectly acceptable to consider whether this tradition aligns with your vision for the big day. In an era where weddings encompass both dreams and financial realities, an increasing number of couples are reimagining their wedding parties to mitigate costs.

Latisha Joseph, the visionary behind Bluu Ribbon, a wedding event company, notes, “Requiring a maid of honor is by no means obligatory, especially if your wedding is intimate in scale, you’re having a more relaxed atmosphere, or your personal traits enable you to fulfill the roles traditionally associated with this role yourself.”

As you create your own wedding experience, remember that this choice is yours to make in the way that best reflects your love story.

Choosing a maid of honor

Can I Have More Than One Maid of Honor?

On the other hand, brides wonder if they can buck tradition and have more than one maid of honor. Joseph says, “Certainly, having more than one Maid of Honor is not only acceptable but can also be beneficial. In fact, I would even encourage it based on my own experience. In my case, I had three individuals fulfill this role; two maids of honor and one man of honor. This arrangement helped distribute the financial responsibilities that are typically associated with a single person, making the financial burden more manageable for everyone involved.”

What if I Can’t Decide on my Maid of Honor?

Don’t let the stress of choosing your maid of honor cast a shadow over your wedding plans. Remember, there’s no mandate dictating the presence of one; you can craft your celebration exactly as you envision it. In the realm of intimate or relaxed affairs, omitting a maid of honor is becoming a more common choice. 

If you’re caught between choosing your sister and closest friend, or you simply wish to sidestep potential tension, rest assured – you can designate them all as ‘bridesmaids.’ Embrace honesty, declaring your affection for each equally.

To uphold traditional duties, consider sharing responsibilities among bridesmaids or delegating them to another cherished figure, like the mother of the bride, groom, or a personal attendant. Remember, it’s your wedding canvas, your rules!

Final Thoughts

Consider the process of choosing your maid of honor as a canvas for your creativity and wedding day aspirations, and you can carry that through to your MOH proposal. How to choose a maid of honor is a reflection of your unique journey, and you needn’t be bound by conventions of yesteryear. 

This is your narrative to script, your love story to celebrate. Should you opt for this cherished role, consider attributes beyond friendship, such as their bachelorette party prowess, financial stability, reliability to tackle the many things on your list, and the gift of a composed and supportive presence. By selecting wisely, you can avoid needless drama, keeping your focus on the joyous union ahead. 

Congratulations on your impending nuptials – explore more insights on Modern MOH to share with your maid of honor and bridesmaids of choice, ensuring your day is a masterpiece etched in love.

Maid of Honor Planner

Packed full of detailed checklists, worksheets, and budget trackers, our exclusive maid of honor planner covers everything you need to know (and more) as a maid of honor!

RELATED: What Does a Bridesmaid Do? A Complete Guide to Key Duties

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How To Choose A Maid Of Honor: Top Tips and ConsiderationsHow To Choose A Maid Of Honor: Top Tips and ConsiderationsHow To Choose A Maid Of Honor: Top Tips and Considerations