The Bride Got Nasty. AITA for Dropping Out as a Bridesmaid?
A bridesmaid dropped out of a wedding due to a friend’s outrageous demands, sparking a heated debate on what is expected from bridesmaids. Was she right to walk away?
A Reddit user, Elegant-Study-2921, recently took to the “Am I The Asshole?” (AITA) subreddit to share her frustrations after dropping out of her friend’s wedding as a bridesmaid. The post quickly garnered attention, with many users weighing in on the situation.
The user, who we’ll call OP, found herself in an increasingly toxic situation that left her questioning whether she was in the wrong for backing out. The story not only highlights the growing pressures on bridesmaids but also brings to light the expectations and demands that some brides place on their bridal party.
OP begins her post by explaining that she was asked to be a bridesmaid for someone she didn’t consider a close friend. Despite her initial reservations, she accepted the invitation, hoping that the experience would be a positive one.
However, things took a turn for the worse almost immediately. The bride, whom OP had hoped would be reasonable, quickly turned into what many Reddit users would later describe as a “bridezilla.” The demands kept piling up, and OP found herself increasingly uncomfortable with the situation.
The first major red flag appeared when the bride announced her plans for the bachelorette party. The bach party was to take place in Miami, and the cost for each bridesmaid was estimated to be close to $4,000 for a three-day trip. OP, like many others, felt that this was an unreasonable amount to ask, especially considering she and the bride were not particularly close.
She decided to inform the bride that she couldn’t afford to attend, hoping for some understanding.
“I dropped out of the bachelorette party as it was going to cost close to $4k for 3 days in Miami. I told her I was unable to go as it would be too expensive hoping she’d understand,” OP wrote. However, the bride’s response, or lack thereof, was telling. “She ignored me for weeks without any response, however, she continued to watch all of my stories on Instagram.”
Despite the cold shoulder, OP eventually reached out to the bride to address the situation. Surprisingly, the bride apologized for her behavior and for not being understanding. This apology gave OP a glimmer of hope, and she decided to continue being a bridesmaid, feeling positive about the reconciliation. However, this peace was short-lived.
As the wedding day approached, the bride’s demands only grew more outrageous. She announced that she had booked a suite for the bridesmaids to take pictures and get ready on the morning of the wedding.
Initially, she framed this as a generous offer, saying the bridesmaids could contribute to the cost if they wanted to. However, just an hour later, she sent a follow-up message demanding payment by a specific date, turning what seemed like a kind gesture into yet another financial burden.
“She sent a message saying if we want to contribute to the room we can Venmo her. Then an hour later, she sends a nasty message saying we must pay by x day. She continued to send more messages stating who hasn’t paid and that it better be done by the end of the day.” OP recounted. The bride’s tone shift left OP feeling trapped in a situation she no longer wanted to be part of.
Feeling isolated and uncomfortable, OP decided she’d had enough and dropped out of the wedding altogether. “I was so sick of her attitude that I dropped out of the wedding. I am fine losing a friend over this, but how can someone speak to people that way?”
The Reddit community quickly rallied around OP, with many users expressing their support for her decision. One user commented, “I just don’t understand all these brides who expect their wedding party to shell out thousands for a bachelorette party weekend destination. You are NTA! Good for you for dropping out of a toxic situation.”
Another user added, “I’m amazed that anyone agrees to be a bridesmaid these days, with the amount of money that deluded brides are now expecting them to dedicate to someone else’s wedding. I blame social media; people lie and exaggerate, and other people read and think it’s normal for the wedding party to be willing to spend thousands on someone else, when they’re at an age when they need to be saving for their own weddings. Or homes.”
Several users also noted the bride’s manipulative tactics regarding the payment for the suite. One commenter speculated, “Sounds like she flipped the switch about the suite as soon as she realized no one was volunteering to shell out more money. She apologized because she thought she could squeeze more money out of you. I wonder if she is as close to her other bridesmaids too… Your gut instinct was right to back out. 3-4K in Miami could be an international trip or even to a nice resort.”
OP’s experience is not an isolated one, as many users shared their own horror stories of being in similar situations. One user pointed out, “In situations like this, you see who your true friends are. While you consider her one, clearly she doesn’t feel the same. When the smoke clears, she will wonder what happened to her friends, and why they don’t call her or text her. And of course, it can’t be her fault. Sorry, you had to go through this.”
Another user offered a blunt assessment: “NTA – in my humble opinion … since she was not really a close friend, more than likely only a ‘Fair-Weather Friend’ at best; you should have taken time to consider being a part of her matrimonial circus. You haven’t lost a friend over this; you separated yourself from a raging bridal lunatic and a financial parasitic leech.”
The overwhelming support for OP in the Reddit thread highlights a broader issue within the wedding industry: the unrealistic and often unfair expectations placed on bridesmaids. While weddings are undoubtedly special occasions, it’s important to remember that they shouldn’t come at the expense of others’ financial well-being or mental health.
As OP’s story spread, it became clear that many people have encountered similar situations. One user shared their frustration with the increasing demands placed on bridesmaids, saying, “I really don’t get this seemingly new expectation that bridesmaids will pay for everything that brides have. I bought everything for my bridesmaids. The only thing they had to pay for was accommodation the night of the wedding (not specified where), and I felt so bad about it that I chose not to have a hen party!”
Another user summed it up perfectly: “It boggles my mind that the wedding party is being asked to fork over ridiculous sums of money to attend a wedding and all of the ‘events’ post. Sure, buy your dress and shoes, maybe have your hair done. Go to a dive bar and have a girls’ night, but $4K for Miami, plus paying for the suite, etc., etc.? Who needs all this crap? NTA.”
As weddings continue to evolve and the pressure on bridesmaids grows, perhaps it’s time for a reevaluation of what it means to be part of a bridal party. The expectations placed on bridesmaids have reached a point where they are often unreasonable and financially burdensome. OP’s decision to walk away from a toxic situation is a reminder that it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being.
In the end, OP made the right decision for herself by stepping away from a situation that was no longer healthy or enjoyable. Her experience serves as a cautionary tale for anyone considering taking on the role of a bridesmaid, especially when the demands start to feel overwhelming. After all, true friendship should never come with a price tag.
