$2700 Bachelorette Party & $150 Tickets for Stag Party! Are These Normal Demands?
A recent Reddit thread has ignited a discussion about the financial and emotional strains imposed on wedding parties by entitled couples. Titled “Are these normal expectations from a Bride and Groom?”, the post by Glad-Ad-8083, a Maid of Honor (MOH), details the staggering demands made by the bride and groom, leading to significant stress and financial burden for her and her fiancé, who is also a groomsman.
The OP begins by providing context: “I’m a MOH to my friend’s wedding, and my fiancé is also a groomsman. There has been no conversation beforehand regarding the bride and groom’s financial expectations of us, no talk of the events, budget, or anything whatsoever.”
OP shares her personal struggles, “I got extremely sick 7 months ago and have been undergoing so much financial burden and stress, outside of my declining health. I haven’t been able to work, I’ve been seeing multiple doctors and specialists, and have been spending a lot of time in hospitals. My fiancé is a small business owner and has been taking care of me and helping out with my expenses throughout this time.”
Despite these challenges, the couple agreed to participate in their friend’s wedding, unaware of the financial expectations that would soon be imposed on them. The first red flag appeared with the groom’s extravagant stag party. According to OP, “The Groom planned a stag completely out of his budget.
The tickets cost $150 each, he demanded 150 men to be there, and he expected the groomsmen to sell all his tickets and buy his expensive prizes. With the group effort, only 60 people came, and everyone did what they could, but he blames his groomsmen for not doing enough and causing him to lose money. He spent 9k on the stag he planned himself and lost 3k as a result.”
The comments quickly poured in, with one user expressing disbelief, “Holy cupcakes, what’s with all these super entitled couples lately? You don’t owe them anything. Pull out now before the wedding is from your pocket too! Abort! Abort! Abandon ship, it’s going down fast.”
The bride’s demands were equally unreasonable. OP explains, “The Bride expects 4 of us to pay for our dresses, makeup, hair (all valid and I have no problem with), but she also expects us to pay for her bach in Las Vegas (flights, accommodations, excursions, food) while also giving her the bridal party of her dreams. After calculations, it’s looking like it’ll be $2700 USD for each of us to fulfill her expectations – she never discussed budget with any of us.”
This led another commenter to question the necessity of such extravagant pre-wedding events, “Amen!! I don’t understand the NEED for all of the $$$$$ events prior to a wedding. Seems as though these couples want a series of events – not a marriage.”
As the couple realized they had lost money on the stag event, they accused the wedding party of not supporting them enough. OP writes, “Once they realized they lost money at the stag event, the groom and bride expressed to us that we have not been supporting them enough. That paying for all of that is not enough. We bought a stag ticket, donated a prize, paid for her bachelorette trip, etc.”
One user pointed out, “It’s increasingly common for brides and grooms to make insane financial demands on their parties, but that doesn’t mean it’s normalized. If it were, nobody would agree to be a bridesmaid or groomsman! No, these two are batshit, and I’d bet my 401K that neither has ever spent thousands on someone else’s wedding, or would ever dream of doing so.”
Faced with these overwhelming demands and the blame for the couple’s financial mismanagement, OP is considering stepping down from her role. The community overwhelmingly supported this idea.
One user advised, “You are $250 down – your first loss is your best loss – bail now and spend the $500 gift money on pampering yourself for being ill and your husband for being your support – you deserve it – this money-grabbing couple doesn’t.”
The thread also highlighted cultural differences in wedding traditions. A commenter from the Netherlands shared, “It might be a cultural thing because I am from the Netherlands and bachelor parties are fairly new here. But they don’t cost that much. Most Dutch would never agree with that. But it still sounds like a ridiculous amount to me.”
Another user added their perspective, “I have never heard of selling tickets to a bachelor party. That is wild. What country is this? People can dream, but they don’t get to spend other people’s money. Time to say no.”
In conclusion, this thread serves as a reminder that wedding planning should be a collaborative and considerate process, respecting the financial and emotional capacities of those involved. While it’s natural for brides and grooms to have dreams for their special day, imposing excessive financial burdens on their friends is neither fair nor sustainable.
The final comments section provided further insights and support for OP:
- “No, it’s not normal and frankly, it’s insane. It should cost you nothing to be MOH. I paid for my MOH and bridesmaids dresses and I paid for my shower. They did their own hair and makeup. I would never tell them they had to pay to get it done. Also, a $500 wedding gift is only appropriate if you make like more than a couple hundred thousand a year, have a fully funded 6 mo emergency fund, have fully funded retirement accounts and no debt.”
- “Don’t get yourself in debt for a wedding. Especially when it’s not even your own wedding! Seems that this couple thinks the world revolves around them and their wedding. Well, guess again, it doesn’t.”
- “You’re crazy for entertaining their crazy demands. A wedding isn’t a fundraiser or a chance to live out their vacation dreams by forcing other people to fund excursions that they can’t afford. You should have dropped out long before you threw all that money away.”
These comments reflect a consensus that the bride and groom’s demands are unreasonable and that no one should go into debt for someone else’s wedding. The support for OP’s decision to potentially drop out of the wedding party underscores the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing one’s well-being over fulfilling unreasonable expectations.
As OP and her fiancé contemplate their next steps, the advice from the Reddit community is clear: prioritize your well-being and financial stability over fulfilling unreasonable demands. After all, a true friend would never ask you to compromise your health or financial security for their special day.
