I Picked a “Revealing” Bridesmaid Dress to Get a Bridesmaid to Drop Out. Was I Wrong?!
A bride-to-be found herself in a tricky situation involving her future sister-in-law, Mia, and took to Reddit’s AITA thread to get some perspective. The thread, posted by BeautifulExplorer363, attracted a lot of attention and opinions. The verdict was clear: Not the A-hole (NTA).
The bride, who is soon to be married, explained that she does not get along well with Mia, her fiancé’s sister. “My soon-to-be husband has a sister—let’s call her Mia. Now, Mia and I do not click very well. I am polite, but I wouldn’t say we are friends. I felt I was forced by his family to make her a bridesmaid, or she would be sad.”
The drama started during the bridesmaid dress shopping. Mia, who is overweight and insecure about it, made the process particularly difficult. OP described the situation, saying, “This has led bridesmaid dress shopping to be a nightmare. Never could find something she wants and all the other bridesmaids and me liking it.”
To resolve the issue, OP gave her five bridesmaids two options: (1) they could either buy a dress that could be styled multiple ways or choose from a collection and pay for it themselves, or (2) OP would buy the dresses, but she would have the final say on the style.
She stated, “My five bridesmaids voted, and option two won. So I picked out a blue strapless dress with a mini slit. I really like it, and I knew Mia would have an issue with it.”
As anticipated, Mia was not happy with the revealing dress. OP sent a picture of the dress to all the bridesmaids to confirm sizes before ordering, and this is where the conflict escalated. “Mia was pissed I picked a revealing dress. This resulted in an argument where she thinks I am a huge jerk, and I told her she can step down if she has issues with the dress.”
Mia tried to rally the family against OP, but her efforts were in vain. “She tried to get the family on her side, but everyone knows I gave them options and had watched me struggle to find something everyone wants.”
OP added more context to the situation in an edit: “She voted for the option where I pay for the dress. I truly didn’t ask her since she and MIL announced she was one of my bridesmaids at a family gathering. The only way to keep peace with the whole family was basically giving her what she wanted. I also have gone to four different shops to find a dress for everyone.”
The Reddit community largely sided with OP, providing various perspectives on the situation. One user commented, “Going against the current grain, I say Not The Asshole (NTA). The ah here is MIL and Mia. MIL for announcing Mia is bridesmaid, Mia for being difficult.
“I’m fat, and if I don’t fit the same dress as everyone else, I’d have voted for buying my own from a collection. Mia could still ask for this IF you are willing to compromise, again. Your fiancé has your back. Sometimes the bridesmaids wear a dress they wouldn’t have picked out because they respect the bride’s choice.”
Another user appreciated OP’s approach: “That was kinda ingenious of OP to set it up that way. And only fair, if it’s your money, you get what you want; if it’s my money, I get what I want.”
However, not everyone agreed with OP’s actions. One user wrote, “This dilemma is about OP intentionally choosing a dress she knew Mia couldn’t wear as a way to ‘out’ her from the wedding party. She had a choice to refuse MIL’s insistence.”
They continued, “She agreed and then passive-aggressively and intentionally manipulated the dress decision conversation to where she would have sole discretion and decided on a dress to exclude Mia because of her weight. That is the asshole (TA) part.”
The thread continued with mixed opinions, highlighting the complexities of family dynamics and wedding planning. Some users argued that OP’s approach was justified given Mia’s difficult behavior and MIL’s interference.
One commenter said, “NTA. You were told Mia would be a bridesmaid and put into an awkward position by your MIL & SIL. They ambushed you at a family gathering where they knew you would be outnumbered should you object. She voted for you to buy the dress, and she doesn’t get to throw a fit now. She can step down or deal. Her insecurities aren’t your problem.”
Others felt that OP’s decision was a form of fat-shaming and could have been handled more empathetically. “Sorry, but just because Mia was forced on the bride is no excuse for treating her like an asshole (AH). This is just fat-shaming. The one thing you can still do and not always get called out on it.”
In the end, the situation highlights the challenges of balancing family expectations and personal preferences during wedding planning. OP’s decision to choose a revealing bridesmaid dress was seen by many as a strategic move to push Mia out of the bridal party, but it also raised questions about inclusivity and respect.
As one user summed it up: “Mia sounds difficult, but if you didn’t want her to be a bridesmaid, you just shouldn’t have made her one. There were a million diplomatic ways to do it—’I have a limited number of spots for bridesmaids and I want the women closest to me to fill those spots’—would’ve done the job nicely.”
This story serves as a reminder that while weddings are a celebration of love and unity, they also require clear communication and sometimes tough decisions to ensure a joyful and harmonious celebration. As weddings continue to evolve, the importance of finding a balance between tradition, personal preference, and family dynamics remains crucial.
