I Was a Bad MOH. How Can I Make It Up to the Bride Now That the Wedding Has Passed?
A Reddit user, known as 1handinmyp0cket, posted a heartfelt message seeking advice on how to make amends with a friend after failing to live up to her maid of honor (MOH) duties. The post detailed her regrets and realizations following a significant falling out with the bride.
She explains, “There were a lot of changes with her wedding planning; at first, it had been August of this year with a full ceremony and reception, then they decided to elope, then they moved it up to April. They also asked me to officiate instead of the other officiant they had had,” she began.
Despite trying her best, the poster admitted she failed to plan a proper bachelorette party and missed the bridal shower due to illness. She thought her continuous support in decision-making sufficed, but it wasn’t what the bride needed.
The night before the reception, they were all supposed to stay with the bride’s sister-in-law. The poster asked if her fiancé could stay, and the sister-in-law agreed.
However, later, the bride informed her that her brother was upset about it and didn’t want the fiancé to stay. This led to a heated exchange where the poster felt betrayed by the bride’s refusal to mediate. The bride then uninvited her from the reception, leading to their estrangement.
“A couple of days ago, I reread the text she had sent me about how I had not carried out any of my maid of honor duties and how hurt she was,” she continued. “I was trying to reread it to get closure… But when I reread it, I felt completely differently about everything. She was right, I didn’t carry anything out, and she had swallowed her feelings to save mine.”
Reflecting on her actions, she sent the bride an apology. However, she wasn’t sure if it was received due to technical issues. Determined to ensure her apology was heard, she sent another message, which was read immediately, but received no response.
Turning to Reddit for guidance, she wrote, “I just want to make it up to her somehow if I do even get the chance to be her friend again. I have no idea how I’d even start doing that but I want to do anything and if anybody knows or has any clue as to what would be the best course of action I would really appreciate it.”
Responses from Reddit users were varied, offering both empathy and practical advice. One user commented, “It sounds like there is plenty of blame to go around. She moved up the wedding and therefore took away planning time for these pre-wedding events. Also, you were sick for one event, which is a valid excuse.” This user pointed out that the bride’s decisions also contributed to the chaos, suggesting the blame shouldn’t fall entirely on the poster.
Another user sought more details, writing, “Could you tell us what your duties were and what you did for her and didn’t do? It’s hard to ‘judge’ when we have zero to no information.” This comment highlighted the need for clarity in understanding the extent of the poster’s involvement and shortcomings.
A different perspective came from a user who advised taking a step back to objectively analyze the situation: “Are you sure it was all you? I do that too where I feel bad later and rethink the whole thing. Talk to someone to objectively find out what part was yours and what parts were not.” This advice underscores the importance of self-reflection and seeking external viewpoints to gain a balanced understanding.
Another commenter emphasized the complexity of friendship dynamics: “It doesn’t sound like you were a spectacular MOH, but not an absolutely terrible one. The bride had a snap reaction to you making a comment that demonstrated that you hadn’t seen her perspective.”
They added “Also, it was almost her wedding, so I’m sure it was a stressful time. But she also didn’t see your perspective and I think uninviting a close friend from a reception is pretty extreme.” This user suggested that both parties contributed to the conflict and recommended a calm conversation to resolve it.
A user who related to the situation shared their experience: “I think I read your first post about it. I vaguely remember thinking you did what you could, she was overwhelmed and you both texted each other with lots of emotions and impulsivity.” This perspective adds depth to the understanding that wedding planning can be incredibly stressful, often leading to heightened emotions and rash decisions.
Reflecting on these comments, it’s evident that friendships, especially during stressful times like weddings, require effort and understanding from both parties. The poster’s willingness to acknowledge her mistakes and seek advice is a crucial step toward mending the relationship.
In the end, the Reddit community offered a mix of empathy, practical advice, and personal anecdotes. The common thread in their responses was the importance of open communication, self-reflection, and mutual effort in maintaining and repairing friendships.
While the road to reconciliation may be challenging, the poster’s determination to make amends demonstrates her commitment to being a better friend.
Ultimately, this situation serves as a reminder that friendships can be fragile, especially under stress. However, with sincere apologies, understanding, and mutual effort, it is possible to rebuild and strengthen these bonds.
For anyone in a similar situation, remember that it’s never too late to apologize and try to make things right. Communicate openly, respect each other’s feelings, and be willing to put in the effort to mend the relationship. Friendships can be repaired, but it takes understanding, patience, and genuine effort from both sides.
