My Sister is Demanding I Dye My Hair for Her Wedding!
Weddings often bring out the best and worst in people. The excitement of the big day can sometimes lead to unreasonable demands and unexpected conflicts. PiperLeo, a Mumsnet user, recently found herself at the center of such a dilemma. She shared her story, expressing her frustration over her sister’s insistence that she be a bridesmaid and change her bright red hair for the wedding.
OP, who has had her vibrant red hair for nearly a decade, explained how the color boosts her confidence, especially since she struggles with body image issues. “I have bright red hair. I love the color. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I’m quite a big girl and hate my body,” she wrote.
Her sister, the bride, asked her to “tone down the color” or even dye it blonde, claiming it would suit her better. Despite these demands, OP was adamant about keeping her hair as it was. She felt that her hair shouldn’t matter since all eyes would be on the bride.
The responses from the Mumsnet community were overwhelmingly supportive. Many users were appalled by the bride’s demands, feeling they were unreasonable and unfair.
One commenter stated, “It’s your hair and your body. It’s not on her to tell you what color it should be or how to style it.” This sentiment was echoed by many others, who emphasized personal autonomy and the importance of feeling comfortable in one’s own skin.
Another user suggested a compromise, “Wear a wig or don’t be a bridesmaid. Those would be my options, and I have shocking colored hair. But I sure as hell wouldn’t let anyone determine the color of my hair or unnecessarily processing it just so someone else can look good on their wedding day.”
Some members of the community were puzzled by the bride’s fixation on hair color. “I’m not entirely sure when brides got to dictate hair color,” one user wrote. “I would push back and say no. If she takes your bridesmaid duties from you, you can wear a dress that you want.” Several users shared their personal experiences with similar situations, highlighting how they navigated their own wedding-related hair dilemmas.
One user recounted, “I was a bridesmaid with blue hair. At a deeply traditional wedding where my friend married into minor aristocracy and the other two bridesmaids were classic English rose types.”
The consensus among Mumsnet users was clear: a bride dictating a bridesmaid’s hair color is crossing a line. “She gets to tell you what color of dress to wear. She absolutely does not get to tell you what color your hair needs to be. She’s massively unreasonable to dictate your whole appearance for the sake of her preferences for her wedding photos,” one commenter asserted.
Practical considerations were also raised in the thread. One user pointed out the difficulty and expense of changing hair color, especially from bright red to blonde. “Red dye is notoriously difficult to get out. It would take you many dye jobs to get to blonde and you’d have to have it done professionally or you’d ruin your hair. So it’d cost a fortune and may not even work!”
The emotional impact of such demands was not lost on the community. OP mentioned feeling uncomfortable in her bridesmaid dress due to her body type, and losing the confidence her hair gives her would make the day even more challenging. One sympathetic commenter responded, “Also, your hair sounds gorgeous and I bet you are too.”
Amid the supportive comments, practical advice was also offered. “If you’d just dyed it bright red right before the wedding I can imagine her being a little peeved but this has been your look for years! She can sod off! (in the nicest possible way of course..)”.
Another suggested, “Tell her to choose a decent photographer and they can photoshop your hair to whatever color she wants.” A more diplomatic approach was recommended by another user, “If you really would prefer not to be a bridesmaid then I think you could tell her you respect that she wants a certain look for her wedding but you are not changing your hair color and won’t be offended if she chooses someone else as a bridesmaid and you will look forward to sharing her big day as a guest.”
Ultimately, the discussion highlighted a broader issue about personal boundaries and respect. Weddings are significant events, but they should not come at the cost of someone’s personal identity and comfort. As one user aptly said, “Weddings aren’t about photos, they are about two people marrying each other. Everything else is just window dressing.”
The underlying message from the Mumsnet community was clear: while it’s important to support loved ones on their special days, it shouldn’t mean compromising one’s self-worth or identity. For OP, and others in similar situations, the consensus was to stand firm and prioritize personal well-being over unreasonable demands.
The lively debate on Mumsnet reflects a common dilemma faced by many when it comes to weddings: balancing personal identity with the expectations of the bride or groom.
OP’s story resonates with many who have felt pressured to change aspects of themselves for the sake of a wedding. The overwhelming support from the community highlights the importance of setting boundaries and standing up for oneself, even in the face of familial expectations.
The comments on the thread demonstrate it’s essential to prioritize personal happiness and confidence, particularly on significant occasions like weddings. For bridesmaids like OP, maintaining her bright red hair is not just about appearance, but about preserving a piece of her identity and self-assurance.
